How to Live - Derek Sivers

This is a book to read on repeat. I think it's a wonderful way to address the topic. The subtitle is "27 conflicting answers and one weird conclusion", and there's truth in every answer even though they contradict each other. The hard part is knowing which one to apply in any given moment. That's life.

Highly recommended.

Log

Whoever you blame has power over you, so blame only yourself. When you blame your location, culture, race, or history, you’re abdicating your autonomy.

When you say you want more freedom from the world, you may just need freedom from your past self.

You’ve been looking for the best person, place, or career. But seeking the best is the problem. No choice is inherently the best. What makes something the best choice? You. You make it the best through your commitment to it. Your dedication and actions make any choice great.

When you can’t change your situation, you change your attitude towards it.

You think you want more choice and more options. But when you have unlimited choice, you feel worse. When you keep all options open, you’re conflicted and miserable. Your thoughts are divided. Your power is diluted. Your time is thinly spread. Indecision keeps you shallow. Get the deeper pleasure of diving into one choice.

New habits are what you’re trying. Old habits are who you are.

Never have the same thought twice. Keep nothing on your mind. Just take in what’s around you now. Have no expectation of how something should be, or you won’t see how it really is.

People always think they need to do something. One action creates a problem, fixed by another action, so they react and counter-act, creating more problems to fix. All of this can be avoided. All actions are optional. You don’t have to act or react. You don’t have to do anything.

Most actions are a pursuit of emotions. You think you want to take action or own a thing. But what you really want is the emotion you think it’ll bring.

If an action feels necessary, and you can’t let it go, just write it down for later. Everything seems more important while you’re thinking of it. Later, you’ll realize it’s not.

If you can't remember something, it's like it never happened.

To enjoy your past is to live twice. Nostalgia links your past and present. Nostalgia protects against stress and boredom, and improves your mood. Nostalgia makes you more optimistic, more generous, more creative, and more empathetic. Nostalgia is memories minus the pain. Being nostalgic makes you less afraid to die.

Make a story for the things you want to remember. Never make a story for the things you want to forget. Let those disappear with time.

Memories are a mix of fact and fiction. Rewrite and reframe them however you want.

Without memories, you have no sense of self.

If you haven’t decided what to master, pick anything that scares you, fascinates you, or infuriates you. Don’t ask, “Is this the real me?” or “Is this my passion?” Those questions lead to endless searching and disappointment. People don’t fail by choosing the wrong path — they fail by not choosing.

Define "success" for yourself.

Goals are not about the future. Goals improve your present actions and make you take action immediately.

You need ritual, not inspiration to master something. Protect the ritual and never stop. It's easy to maintain momentum but hard to get started again.

Maintain a balance of being heads down vs. head up. If you've been heads down for too long, lift you head up to make sure you're still going the right way.

The more you take on, the less you'll achieve.

Randomness helps you learn acceptance.

Everything good comes from some kind of pain.

Choose pain so you get used to it. Discomfort makes you grow.

The best happiness comes after some pain.

Problems will always come, so find good ones. Solving good problems brings happiness.

To want is to suffer. So be careful what you want. You'll need to experience pain to get it.

Don't think the future is a magical place that has more time. If you want to do something, do it now. If you don't want to do it now, let it go.

Pay attention to what excites you. If something doesn't excite you, move on.

Don't let your future self be bound to what your past self predicted.

Most problems aren't about the present. They're about things that have happened to you in the past, or are worried about happening in the future. When you feel anxious, come back to the present and ask yourself what's wrong.

Don't just act. Tell a story and inspire others.

Ownership binds you to the past.

It's striking to me how a requirement for embracing the future is to live in the present. It's the only way to be open to the future.

The test of time is the ultimate filter.

Master the fundamentals of your craft. These will always be valuable because they've stood the test of time.

The biggest obstacle to learning something is assuming you already know. If you're too confident, that probably means you're ignorant.

You'll feel stupid and vulnerable when you're really learning.

Information doesn't stick without emotion. Emotion helps you internalize it. Don't assume you can just look it up later.

To communicate clearly, you have to think clearly. Writing is refined thinking.

Following your emotions is not freedom. Being free from following your emotions is freedom. Following rules frees you from the whims of your emotions.

Choose the pain of discipline, not the pain of regret.

Humor is using your mind beyond necessity. It captures observation, creativity, and empathy in an instant.

Comedy is tragedy plus time.

Expecting life to be disappointing is wonderful. If you expect to be disappointed, you won't be.

Imagine losing something to fully appreciate it.

If you want nothing, you can control everything.

The only way to change your happiness is to change you beliefs.

Instead of changing the world, change your reactions to the world.

Helping others is a better path to happiness than helping only yourself.

Confidence attracts. Vulnerability endears.

Business, when done right, is generous and focused on others. It draws you out of yourself, and puts you in service of humanity.

Money is neutral, and because it's neutral, people have projected all sorts of meaning onto it.

Making money is proving you're adding value to people's lives.

Your time is more profitably spent doing what comes easily to you.

Don't compete. Play your own game when it comes to business.

Money simply amplifies who you are.

Definitions of yourself are just old responses to past situations.

Let go of your expertise. It keeps you tied to the past.

The timid cling to achievements.

You appreciate what you know will end.

Love is a combination of attention, appreciation, and empathy.

Loving is being honest and connecting.

Need destroys love.

Don't try to change your children. Give them a great environment where they can thrive.

Die empty.

Most of what you make will be fertilizer for the few that turn out great.

Creating isn't just expressing yourself, it's discovering yourself.

Let the deadline of death drive you.

Once you've made all the mistakes in a field, you're considered an expert.

The people devastated by failure are the ones who didn't expect it.

Work is whatever you want to change.